I have to many ideas, but not enough motivation to pull any of them through to completion, what is wrong with me?

This past couple of weeks has been quite emotional for me. An idea for a painting popped into my head, and I can't get it out...so I set Nero (which I haven't worked on at all...) aside so I can attempt the other. And then there is the 2 different series, one in acrylic and one in charcoal. But I keep thinking, what's the point? I can't get passed my enviroment, and I end up on the computer, every time.

I guess is the point is to get some of this shit out of my head and gut before I explode. lol.

I don't know why, but for a while now I've wanted to either work in b/w, or brilliant color. I'm not so much of an in between girl at the moment.

Thing is, my color sense is still so undeveloped. It's like what I want to say through color is right at the tip of my tongue, but I can only speak in baby talk. lol. The thing about painting is, you have to do a lot of it before you learn anything, and as far as painting goes, I feel like I'm very behind from where I should be.

I finally started Nero, based off the ATC of the same name. It's kind of my practice piece for a series of very vibrant works I have in mind. Having two series going on at once will help me I think. I'll have the b/w one when I am in that mood and the color for the other.

Problem is, it's the same space I have to work in, and switches in medium does kinda take a lot of cleaning.

I finished a few commissions and used the money to buy some new paint. AND I'm getting a new battery for my car! Yay! Now I am getting ready to start a painting that I've wanted to do for a long time. Tonight, if I am not collapsed tired from work, I should start.

Yesterday was fun. I went out to Cols. with my friend Cristal and we had Indian food and went supply shopping. I was proud of myself, I spent less than 100 bucks! I did break down and get a small Golden Open trial set and some ATC canvas. Just had to give them a try.

I still want to finish my saints series, and I have another set in mind as well...on a much more colorful level.

I am hoping that one of these days, the ideas about technique will meld into what I feel they might. I just need to DO MORE. That is really the key here.

Do more, complain less. That's the goal.

I've had so much to do lately, and haven't felt like doing much. I am working on two separate commissions -- a pet portrait and a small painting along the lines of Autumn Vortex, and an ATC I did once. Honestly, they should have been done by now. >.<

I'll post as soon as I am done with them, and hopefully it will be soon. I didn't do much today. Spent the day sleeping, as I am still feeling rather whack. Stomach pain, abdominal tenderness and nausea in waves, and I woke up with slight vertigo this morning. Hopefully, I will get more done this weekend...and feel a little better. It's been weeks now, like I'm on the verge of getting sick, but haven't. I'm wiped, and worried, and jealous of anyone who has health insurance. It's not helping my anxiety knowing there is something wrong, and not being able to get help.

I need to start looking for a new job. I am going nowhere. lol.

In the meantime, just need to get these commissions done an collect enough cash to pay off my city taxes this year.

Sorry I don't have anything good to say atm. It's time to go back to bed. I have both jobs tomorrow, and afterward, maybe some painting?...who knows.

1. Start going to Monday night figure sessions at the local college.

2. Finish 2 commissions by March.

3. Finish the Saint series.

4. Treat myself like a human being.

5. Sketch much more.